Rethinking Nonprofit Leadership
- Regina Rodríguez-Manzanet
- Feb 6
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 20
Beyond “Friendly” to Forging Real Change
In the nonprofit sector, we talk a lot about impact, equity, and justice. But too often, when it comes to our own leadership practices, we cling to outdated, performative models of “niceness” that undermine real progress.
Instead of fostering honest, accountable, and effective teams, we default to toxic positivity—prioritizing the appearance of harmony over the reality of hard conversations. Instead of leading with authentic emotional intelligence, we fall back on people-pleasing disguised as “good communication.”
Avoidance culture doesn’t just harm our organizations—it weakens our ability to create meaningful change.
The Problem: Leadership = Kindness ≠ Niceness
Like in the corporate world, nonprofits often conflate leadership with administrative oversight. The expectation is that leaders should be always positive, endlessly accommodating, and focused on keeping the peace. This “customer service” approach to interpersonal communication often masquerades as emotional intelligence, when in reality, it’s just conflict avoidance in disguise.
And let’s be clear:
Accountability is not the same as attack. Holding someone accountable for their actions, decisions, or impact is not “being mean.”
Emotional intelligence is not about making everyone comfortable. It’s about creating space for real conversations, even when they’re uncomfortable.
Toxic positivity does not build strong teams. Dismissing challenges with “good vibes” and forced optimism only buries problems deeper.
We need a leadership model that rejects these false narratives and embraces a new approach—one that integrates authentic emotional intelligence, adaptive leadership, and a culture of accountability.
Beyond Niceness: The Adaptive Leadership Model
One of the most effective frameworks for rethinking nonprofit leadership is Adaptive Leadership, developed by Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky.
Adaptive Leadership recognizes that change is hard because it requires people to let go of something familiar. It’s about helping individuals and organizations navigate discomfort, resistance, and uncertainty—not by avoiding conflict, but by guiding people through it.
Five Principles of Authentic, Emotionally Intelligent Leadership
Dismantling Toxic Positivity: There is a false assumption, particularly in the third sector, that the 'nonprofit' needs to compensate for the historically lower or 'no' compensation. Leadership is not about managing morale at all costs—it’s about engaging with the reality of the situation. Toxic positivity tells us to ignore problems in favor of good vibes. But ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away—it makes it fester.
Key Shift: Move from “Let’s keep things positive” to “Let’s acknowledge reality and engage with it.”
Toxic positivity: “Everything will work out. Let’s keep working and stay positive.”
Authentic leadership: “We have real challenges. Let’s talk about how and what we need to change to address them.”
Creating a Culture of Real Accountability: Too often, we confuse accountability with punishment and honest feedback with personal attack. But true leadership requires setting clear expectations, addressing issues head-on, and giving people the opportunity to improve.
Key Shift: Move from “We don’t want to be too critical because that's just mean” to “Clarity and accountability are acts of leadership and support, not cruelty.”
Ineffective leadership: Avoids giving real feedback to avoid discomfort.
Authentic leadership: Gives direct, constructive, and actionable feedback that helps people grow.
Engaging with Resistance Instead of Avoiding It: People resist change because it threatens something they value, even if that “something” is an inefficient system or a harmful norm. Instead of shutting down resistance as a problem, adaptive leaders see it as valuable data.
Key Shift: Move from “We need to convince people” to “We need to understand their fears and motivations.”
Ineffective leadership: Assumes resistance is ignorance or obstinance.
Authentic leadership: Seeks to understand why people resist change and engages in dialogue.
Embracing Emotional Intelligence as a Leadership Tool, Not a Performance: Many organizations have reduced emotional intelligence (EI) to performative positivity and passive listening. But EI is about genuinely engaging with people’s experiences and using that understanding to lead more effectively.
Key Shift: Move from “Emotional intelligence means being agreeable” to “Emotional intelligence means engaging deeply, even when it’s hard.”
Customer Service EI leadership: Nods, smiles, and agrees to avoid friction.
Authentic EI Leadership: Listens, reflects, responds, and sometimes even challenges in a way that moves the conversation forward for growth.
Having the Emotional Courage to Lead: Leadership requires a level of emotional courage that is often uncomfortable. Ruth Bader Ginsburg once said, “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” That’s the kind of leadership we need.
Key Shift: Move from “Let’s avoid conflict” to “Let’s address what needs to be said with clarity, honesty, and respect.”
Weak leadership: Avoids necessary conversations for fear of upsetting people.
Authentic leadership: Navigates tough engaged conversations with clarity, respect, and a commitment to solutions
What do you think is the biggest leadership challenge holding organizations back?
Toxic Positivity: Prioritizing forced optimism
Lack of Accountability: Accountability = Attacks
Resistance to Change: Change is too uncomfortable
Emotional Intelligence Misuse: People Pleasing = Leadership
A New Model for Leadership
Nonprofit leadership cannot be about keeping things running smoothly. It must be about navigating complexity, engaging deeply, and building organizations that can withstand change.
Adaptive leaders don’t just react to crises—they anticipate them and guide their teams through them.
Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t just “manage” people—they empower them to be part of the solution.
Authentic leaders don’t just do what’s expected—they challenge outdated norms and build something better.
If we truly want to make an impact, we have to let go of the false comfort of performative niceness and lean into real, accountable, transformative leadership.
What’s one leadership expectation you think we need to rethink?
Drop your thoughts below!
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